Big Brother Is (Weight) Watching

Yes. I’m laughing at the title of this post. Ha ha. I’m so clever.

Moving on. I was inspired by this post by Gretchen, to come clean.

I have a secret. For the past few weeks I’ve been starting conversations with my friends about this secret. Telling them “This is embarrassing, but…” or “I know it sounds hokey…” and then I would sheepishly tell them my secret. I was ashamed of my secret. But the thing is, once I told them, I found out I was not alone.

My secret?

I joined Weight Watchers. And for the first few weeks I was completely embarrassed, ashamed, and was laughing at myself. Weight Watchers! Those ads! That stigma! I thought Weight Watchers was for overweight soccer moms in the 90s. It turns out quite a few colleagues and acquaintances of mine have at some point tried it. And to much success, too.

So here’s my story. Because we all seem to have one, and we all seem to want to tell it. It’s not like losing weight is some sort of Amazing Life Struggle that needs to be documented in a Franzen novel, and yet, there are so many fitness/health bloggers out there. I think it helps keep us accountable. And man, Weight Watchers really helps with the accountability. I digress. My story!

At the end of December, I received an email from a fellow Bar Methoder. I had been struggling lately and she had some really kind things to say. And for the second time, she lightly nudged me about Weight Watchers. It was not a High Pressure Pyramid Scheme OMG thing AT ALL. All she said was that it worked for her. And she included that she HAD to go to the meetings to stay accountable. I love that word. Accountable. I decided “hey, this could be something funny to write about! I mean, Weight Watchers! Come on!” So for the sake of journalistic excellence, I joined. And because it was the beginning of the year, I actually felt less shame, because I knew that the meeting would be packed, and I would just sit in the back quietly.

I expected to be given a free set of wrist bands and a fanny pack when I walked in the door. I expected to have a funny story to tell about the Crazy Weight Watchers. Neither of these things happened. I was greeted warmly by the meeting leader, who handed me the weekly newsletter and a little booklet to keep track of my weigh-ins, and then nicely asked to step on the scale.

176.6

That number. Now I need to go on a slight tangent. Because that number. I hate that number. I am 5’3″ and I swear to God I do NOT look like I weigh over 175 lbs. That is a LOT. I weighed 115-125 in high school and college. I was TINY. And I’m used to being tiny. This body I am in now? This is NOT my body. I don’t know where my tiny body went, and I want it back. Honestly though, I don’t feel fat. I don’t think of myself as a fat person. But then I look at pictures, and omg. I look in the mirror when at Bar Method, and compared to the women there, I look fat. But I still have the mindset of Tiny Me. I still wear clothes I probably shouldn’t. I still think “oh I can eat that, I have the metabolism of a 12-year-old!” But at some point, things slowed down. That pint of Ben and Jerry’s for dinner? Trader Joe’s Mac n Cheese? Sure! It’s NOT that I ate/eat badly. I really don’t think I do. I don’t eat fast food. I love veggies. I eat salads! But I also wasn’t paying attention to how often I splurged, or how much. And over time, it added up.  I’ve had friends tell me I look fine. I’ve had stranger men tell me I look fine. Sure, maybe I look fine. But this isn’t my body. I didn’t used to be the girl who made jokes about how “they don’t have the fat girl jean sizes,” and then secretly cry in the dressing room because I couldn’t buy the pair of Seven jeans I’d been saving up for because I didn’t fit into ANY of them. So. Here I am. 176.6.

Except, not anymore! Because, you guys, it’s working! As of my last weigh-in I’m at 171. Hooray! Honestly, I expected to lose more, and quicker (It’s been three weeks on the plan), but I’ll take it. And I’m a little afraid of my weigh-in for this week (what? beer has points?!), but we’ll see. I know I’m not going to lose weight every week, but a girl can hope. I’ll post more about the actual Weight Watchers plan later. For now I just wanted to share my secret with half of the internet.

Starting Weight: 1766.6 lbs
Last Weigh-in (1/16/14): 171 lbs
Difference: -5.6 lbs

 

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